Shelter Issues
I hope I'm not crazy, but as I finish up Ghost Maps, I've been playing with staggered lines and white space for a few poems I like but I felt weren't quite there. Here's one, for instance:
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Shelter
Ardeness -- December 1944
A church, once.
The roof above the altar
shelled in.
Couldn't sleep.
Snow rounds the angel's shoulders.
The monstrance opens
its round blank eye.
As I said, hope I'm not crazy -- diving into a formal experiment so late in the game.
I am happy, even if crazy. I find playing with white space deeply interesting just now.
On the other hand, maybe it's avoidance -- avoiding sending the manuscript out into the big bad world to be judged. Doubtless harshly -- no one will like it. After all, I also spent quite a bit of time deciding whether the subtitles should have commas in them. (Ardennes -- December, 1944 or Ardennes -- December 1944) and that does sound like avoidance.
Tomorrow. I'm sending it tomorrow. I've made the changes suggested by super proof-reader Pat, I've put in two poems I couldn't bear to leave out, and I've had a last read and been made happy and proud. Everyone will love it.
I'm off. I've got cover notes to write and envelopes to stamp.
And possibly some issues to resolve.
______
Incidentally, a monstrance
4 Comments
Send it. Playing with the blank spaces is definitely avoidance. If anything, it obscures what you are trying to say in your poem, by distracting the reader. And of course we are all going to read it, even complete strangers! I’m so proud of you! Hugs.
erin, i agree with therese, except white space contrasts (sets off) well this charged subject matter. White spaces or not, Ghost Maps transcends. Send it out.
Okay, I’m avoiding. And I’m sending.
But white space is interesting, and it has improved a poem or two of mine. “Waste” springs to mind — it’s on the Ghost Maps page if you’re interested.
http://www.sitehouse.net/erinpoems/ghost.html
I completely agree with all of you. Fussing over the details is a symptom of avoidance. Yet a poem is not only audible, but visual. White space and layout make all the difference. Unfortunately, the devil is in the details. The balance is in not losing yourself in the details.