Field Guide to North American Annoyances

(Well, I can't seem to sell it, so I may as well post it. Anyone got a market to suggest for this?)

The red-wattled poohbah
The red-wattled poohbah is easily spotted by its pink featherless head and wattled neck, which flush red when the poohbah's authority is challenged. Unlike the turkey vulture, to which is related, the poohbah does not live in colonies of its own kind, but keeps a splendid isolated nest, maintained for it by sparrows, juncos, and secretary birds. Highly territorial, the poohbah will defecate on anyone approaching its nest without proper obsequiences.

The greater and lesser dingbats
Dingbats, like sandpipers, can be seen in small tittering groups at the edge of any body of work. They feed on gnats and other small matters. The greater dingbat can be distinguished from the lesser dingbat by wing-flashes of self-importance and the lack of any vestigial irony.

The tightassed mudwallow
The tightassed mudwallow is a ground-dwelling bird, distantly related to the meadowlark. With its drab plumage, the mudwallow is not easy to spot, but can be tracked by its continual complaining calls. Mudwallows live in small groups, often in stands of kitsch at the edge of swampland. Like mockingbirds, they are fond of shiny objects, and collect flaws and debts.

The jingoistic bunting.
The jingo is a small bunting with distinctive red and blue plumage, with a white throat and breast. The jingo has a shrill, whistle-like call, a large territory for its size, and little tolerance for other sorts of songbirds. It has been observed driving sparrows and other brown birds across the borders of its territory, and even bombing the nests of "invader" species. .

The Eastern geeky-geeky
The geeky-geeky is a nocturnal bird, usually glimpsed in or near its nest. Though often observed in isolation, geeky-geekys in fact have a complex social order, based on an accumulation of gadgets, acronymic songs, and awkwardly comic mating dances. To see a geeky-geeky in its mating plumage is a treat few birders can hope for.