Castle Anthrax, at last (Green Knight 8 -- 10)
After banging my head against it for a couple of weeks, I've finally come up with a new draft of the Pale Lady's part in my Sir Gawaine and the Green Knight.
Compare this to the radically different earlier version. I'm afraid I might have gone too far -- now the pale lady is so powerfully witchy that I'm not sure what poor Sir G. sees in her. But I still like this version better. Closer to the original. Perhaps that Pearl guy knew what he was doing.....
Let me know what you think, eh?
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The first morning as Gawaine lay wandering
in his endless stumbling dream
Suddenly he woke up shivering
Into his eyes, a cold light streamed
He blinked awake to see the lady
Shining cold as winter stars
He thought perhaps he was still dreaming
And whispered: Tell me what you are
Tell me what you are, my lady,
For you cannot be all that you seem
Too pale, too cold to be human
I think I'm in a land of dreams
But the lady said: You are not dreaming
I'm not a vision, not a ghost
But I am alone, and I am lonely
And I lack what I want most
And that is love -- for all his booming
My lord is empty as a drum
He loves the hunt, he doesn't love me
Truly I am glad you've come
She kissed him and he fell back dazzled
Dizzy as a storm-blown crow
He raised a hand and pleaded : Lady,
You deal my questing heart a blow
I am drawn towards you lady
For you caught me when I fell
You have given me this haven
I am under your soft spell
But you must know I cannot love you
To another man you're pledged
And that man is my good host, here
My brother knight, by bright sword's edge
And riding home came Barbarossa
Around his horse, the hound pack milled
Behind him dragged a heap of fur
A dozen foxes, freshly killed
He called: Young Sir, I've had good hunting
While you played checkers with my wife
What windfall did you earn to give me
In your day of toil and strife?
So Gawaine went down to greet him
And said: My lord, that's quite a catch
But I won have a treasure for you
That your foxes cannot match
Your pale lady grants me riches
Greater than a fleet of ships
And with these words, Gawaine stood tiptoe
To kiss the lord square on the lips
Red Beard roared, and Red Beard sputtered
And he clasped Gawaine by the hand
You are a knight as fine and honest
As I have met in any land
So Barbarossa spent the evening
Peeling back the rank red skins
While the lady's twisting spindles
Made a hiss like icy wind
The next morning as Gawaine was patching
His red silks that had been so fine
Suddenly he looked up shivering
And met pale eyes as deep as mines
The lady stood there like a sundog
She lit the room like Northern lights
Gawaine got up and bowed to greet her
Half in wonder, half in fright
She kissed him and his heart was frozen
Her coldness made a fog of breath
She said: Put aside your knitting
Let us talk of life and death
She said: if you go tomorrow
You will find nothing but your doom
If you will stay, I will protect you
You need not die, so young, so soon
Gawaine's heart beats filled the chamber
Cold fire chuckled on the grill
From the window horns came faintly
As Red Beard made another kill
Gladly, he said, I would stay here
As lost I would have slept in snow
But I gave my word -- it's all I have
And I fear that I must go
And riding home came Barbarossa
With his great spear bright with gore
His big roan stallion came home prancing
Behind his horse, he dragged six boar
Like a squire Gawaine went to him
Looped the reins round his wrist
Swung up on the stallion's stirrup
And gave the Lord his Lady's kiss
Barbarossa boomed like thunder
Honest Gawaine! the giant roared
If you take her heart you'll find
This blade is good for more than boar
He shook the shining spear with laughter
But let us pass this night in mirth
For tomorrow you must leave us
Tomorrow's your last day on earth
So Barbarossa spent the evening
Telling tales, red eyes a-gleam
While the lady's silver harping
Murmured like a stony stream
The next morning as Gawaine sat sharpening
His great sword that had grown so dim
Suddenly he heard silk hissing:
The Lady came in like a wind
She came close and his strength went from him
He staggered like a winded deer
That feels the arrow’s eye upon it
His heart beat fast with wondering fear
He said: Lady, will you stay here
And help me pass this final day
For I would look at something lovely
If tomorrow I must be clay
I know that I have given nothing
No answer to your lonely cry
But still, I ask you for your comfort
In the dawn, I'm going to die
You need not die, answered the lady
With her cold hand, she clasped his arm
She took the sash off of her mantle
This would save you from all harm
Her unbound cloak billowed around her
Swirling up like wind caught snow
She held the sash out as an offering
Pale flames dance through all her clothes
This sash could save me? Stammered Gawaine
His heart was fluttering in his chest
How can such a small thing save me --
I beg you, Lady, do not jest.
I do not jest with you, she answered
This sash is woven with a spell
No axe or sword or knife will cut you
If you wear it knotted well
The lady took the sash and tied it
Round his waist with murmured wish
So from her hands, he had his hope, then
And from her lips he had his kiss
And riding home came Barbarossa
With his hawk and deadly bow
A stag was slung across his shoulders
Behind him dragged a heap of does
Look what I have won to give you
Red Beard cried, his eyes aflame
And you, in your poor patchwork robes
What have you won today, Gawaine?
For my horde is full of treasures
My Lady gives to poor lost souls
Obedient cats and seeing stones
Horns and swords and golden bowls
We had a bet we'd trade our winnings
What have you won, I ask again
Give your account, and leave out nothing
That would be the gravest sin
The knotted sash around him twisted
And Gawaine blushed as he bowed deep
But he said: Sir, you are no richer
I've won nothing in your keep
And his heart broke as he said it
Honest Gawaine had told a lie
For hope had set his courage reeling
And silent, he began to cry
So that last evening past in silence
As Gawaine sat in lonely gloom
At dawn he would feel the axe swing
And see if could face his doom

I like this bit:
obdient cats and seeing stones horns and swrds and golden bowls
I like it including the new white lady. She more real here.
Really good! I think you’ve got it!
The lady being both cold and burning, testing Gawaine in ways quite opposite to her husband’s, really brings the story alive, yet it’s not too risque for the youngsters. I especially like Gawaine’s emotions coming through at the end.
I really liked it. I love the descripiton that you put into it, and I really enjoyed how Gawaine is portrayed. Nice job