It's to soon to start
It's to soon to start second-guessing myself, but ....
Maybe it's not a great idea to have a first chapter where the POV character doesn't get to speak. Or, indeed, act much. I'm not sure what impression that creates of her.
3 Comments
I like the rewritten first chapter. There is a real presence and life in in. I don’t understand what you are worried about; your first chapter makes me (and others I suspect) want more. You are well on the way to the kind of book that readers can’t put down!
I think you should let it go for now and revisit your concerns when you have more chapters to go around it and see how the whole voice worked out. That sort of thing where the POV character doesn’t speak, the way you use it, strongly reminds me of LeGuin. And that is a good thing!
Plenty of time to rewrite when you’re well into the story. Love it so far!—P