...
cold floor
and on the rooftops,
early frost
____________
There's an implied time-of-day/human action in this one, and I'm not sure that part is working. At least I finally wrote one in the traditionally prized haiku shape -- though not syllable count. To my taste, 5-7-5 is too long.
1 Comments
Yes, I agree — almost always, if I try to do 7-5-7, I’m stretching it, padding it, and losing the Oh!