Vivi News (March 4 - March 13)
March 4
She laughed!
I was changing her diaper and providing some colour commentary about that, and she was kicking and smiling, and she laughed! She has a low, throaty chuckle. Tentative, almost. I think she's just trying it out.
She wouldn't repeat it for James, alas. We carried on, hammed it up, all but turned cartwheels, but she would only give us her look of aware-but-puzzled inward amusement, the one that makes her look like Peter Sellers.
March 5
Landmark day today. We went out for breakfast, at Rockway, our usual hole-in-the-wall treasure. Instead of building a coat nest for bird on the end of our booth, we decided to try the high chair. Stuffed it full of coats and scarves and tucked her in. She seemed thrilled to see us both at once, thrilled to eat giraffe legs while we ate toast. And for the first time in months, James and I both held hot coffee at once. It was almost like being married.
March 6
The destruction of yellow giraffe and his compatriots continues apace. She is able to hold him in both fists and is working to gum him to death. I have taken to making snarling gobbling sounds when I hand him to her.
Yeah, Freud would have something to say.
March 7
Sometimes I feel like Bob Costas: possessed with a need to narrate the most obvious things with excitable, inane commentary. Vivi likes it, but today I ended a meeting with: "Okay, we'll put the little laptop to sleep and tuck it in this softy safe bag...."
March 8
Vivi is getting so strong. She can nearly, nearly, nearly sit up. I put her on my tummy and let her try, my hands hovering a half inch from her shoulders. Her best game, now, is to raise her legs, then thump her feet into carpet. Sometimes while they're up in the air she fingers them and stares with puzzled amazement: gosh, neat, but what could they possibly be for?
She radiates joy in her body. It makes me like mine too, even the strippy kangaroo pouch that used to be Vivi's home, and now is her best soft place. I was looking a recent picture today and was amazed by how strong and happy I seem, my own capable hands.
March 9
Something is up with my hormones, I think. My hair is falling out. Wake up with furry pillow. And I know I used to have a libido.
March 10
On Fridays James and I skip the usual lunch routine (nursing and brown bag at the desk for me, Vivi-free coffee and WiFi for him) and go out. Good to spend some social time with poor neglected husband, but I find I'm greedy for my daughter. I don't want her to show off her new highchair-sitting skills. I want to hold her. We play peek-a-boo over the entree (mac and cheese for me, yellow giraffe for her). Nursing her over a civilized end-of-meal coffee. She falls of the breast asleep, leans her head back into the crook of my arm, her neck stretched long and her body sprawled across my lap. She is perfectly vulnerable, trusting. Her elegant hand is curled by her ear.
Oh, putting her in her bunting to go out is almost more than I can do. I walk back to my office crying that I must spend four hours away from her.
Four hours. Get a grip.
March 11
So stiff today that I try to sneak in a bit of yoga, even though Vivi is up. Do some stretching, then pop on a tape for guided mediation. Vivi suddenly discovers yodelling.
March 12
Driving today with Vivs. We chat for miles. Suddenly she gives a great shout: "geh!" I say it back to her. Her eyes widen, she grins and chuckles. I do it again. She laughs aloud. She says something else; I repeat it; we laugh together for blocks and James laughs in the front seat, his soft eyes catch mine in the rear-view mirror.
March 13
Amazing Vivian!
At lunch today I was playing on the floor with Vivi. I pulled her hands and helped her sit up, which she loves: a whole new view of the beautiful world. By which I mean my cube. She was sitting across my ankle, because I was going to lift it and her into the air, which she loves even more and which is good for the quads, I'm sure. So, there she is, sitting the ledge of my ankle, her little feet dangling. Suddenly she plants them on the ground, straightens her knees and hips and surges right to her feet!
Of course, I was holding her hands and I quickly took her around the ribs, or she would have toppled right over. Still, she had firm ideas on what she wanted. She made a huge grin, she looked all around, and laughed out loud. As I held her by the ribs she took a couple of steps. Then her knees gave way. Then she did it again. And again.
Wait till we show your dad! James came back from lunch a half hour latter, and we put on a little show. "Oh, honey!" he said, and I'm not sure if he meant her or me.
